all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
