Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
