I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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