They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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