Do vagina's smell?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
so much tequila, so little girl.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
