Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Four minutes until I can fart!
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
