i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
