So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Please don't give away my fajitas
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
