Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Everyone says I win the strip club
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
