Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
