guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
