I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
