either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
