Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
