Do you still have your period?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
