wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
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