after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
