where does the pee come out of this thing
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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