I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
its not stalking. its research.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
