you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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