WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
