I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
