Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
