Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
