I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
