Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
