i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
