I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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