It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
