Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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