There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
