nut hugger
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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