i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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