Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
