New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
