I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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