he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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