my room smells like sperm. sweet.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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