Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
