babies were throwing up all over the place
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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