Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
