felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
