Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
