is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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