Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
