just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
