I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Randomize
