ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm too high and old for this...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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