I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
