If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Randomize
