I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
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